We all get angry. Anger is natural. It is usually a surface emotion. It is a reaction to an underlying problem. “Anger doesn’t solve anything. It builds nothing; but it can destroy everything”.
“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured” -Mark Twain
What causes people to get angry?
There are lots of common situations that triggers anger such as injustice, losing your patience, feeling as though your opinion or efforts are not appreciated. Other causes of anger include memories of traumatic or enraging events and worrying about personal problems. We usually become angry when we feel afraid because we are confused, frustrated, hurt, embarrassed, powerless, rejected and worried.
People feel angry when they sense that they or someone they care about has been offended, when they are certain about the nature and cause of the angering event, when they are convinced someone else is responsible and when they feel they can still influence the situation or cope with it. For instance, if a person’s car is damaged, they will feel angry if someone else did it ( e.g another driver rear-ended it) but will feel sad instead if it was caused by situational forces (e.g a hailstorm) or guilt and shame if they were personally responsible (for example if he/she crashed into a wall out of momentary carelessness).
Anger can be a good thing. It gives you a way to express negative feelings or motivate you to find solutions to problems. Being angry can prevent people from walking all over you and it motivates you to do something positive.
Can anger harm your health?
A person with excessive anger may experience health issues such as increased blood pressure, heart disease, peptic ulcer, stroke and it can also harm one’s mental heath.
•Anger causes separation; example in relationship or friendship.
•Anger traps you: Why is anger a dangerous trap? It is because the intense feeling keeps you attached to the person or thing that is making you unhappy. How do you escape from anger? By letting go & forgiving. Otherwise, the anger will eat up your heart and soul.
“For every minute you are angry, you lose 60 seconds of happiness”.
Anger is not always bad but it must be handled appropriately and in a healthy way. Anger itself isn’t a problem, it’s how you handle it. Consider the nature of anger as well as how to manage anger and what to do when you are confronted by someone whose anger is out of control.
What are the best ways to handle anger?
When you are angry, you can deal with your feelings through the following:
•Think before you speak: In the heat of the moment, it is easy to say something you will later regret. Take a few moments to collect your thoughts before saying anything and allow others involved in the situation to do same.
“A moment of patience in a moment of anger saves you a hundred moments of regret”.
•Once you are calm, express your anger: As soon as you are thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive but non- confrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly without hurting others or trying to control them.
•Get some exercise: Physical activity can help reduce stress that can cause you to become angry. If you feel your anger escalating, go for a brisk walk or run or spend some time doing other enjoyable physical activities.
•Listen to music; My dad told me to always sing whenever I’m angry
•Rest/Sleep: Sometimes when I’m angry, I take a nap or sleep and when I wake up, I actually feel better.
•When your temper flares, put relaxation skills to work. You could repeat a calming word or phrase, such as “Take it easy”.
•Take a timeout: Timeouts are not just for kids. Give yourself short breaks during times of the day that tend to be stressful. A few moments of quiet time might help you feel better, prepared to handle what is ahead without getting angry. “You owe yourself one hour a day of self-maintenance. It can include reading, dancing, meditation, painting, etc. It matters, it really does”. ~thefemalehustlers
•At that moment that you are angry, do what makes you happy.
•Identify possible solutions: Instead of focusing on what made you angry, work on resolving the issue at hand. Remind yourself that anger won’t fix anything and might only make it worse.
•Stick with ‘I’ statements: To avoid criticizing or placing blame, which might only increase tension, use “I” statements to describe the problem. Be respectful and specific. For example say, I’m upset that you left the table without offering to help with the dishes instead of “you never do any house work”.
•Don’t hold a grudge: Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. But if you can forgive someone who amazed you, you might both learn from the situation and strengthen your relationship.
•Use humour to release tension: Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Using humour to help you face what’s making you angry and possibly any unrealistic expectations you have for how things should go. Avoid sarcasm, it can hurt feelings and make things worse.
•Know when to seek help: Learning to control anger is a challenge for everyone atimes. Seek help for anger issues if your anger seems out of control because it might make you to do things you will regret or hurt those around you. Also, a psychologist can help.
I tend to have a very bad temper and sincerely I’ve been trying to improve it. When I’m actually angry, I find it hard to think straight and it drains me mentally and emotionally. Whenever I get angry, I always write down what made me angry and everything that happened during that time in my journal.
“It is wise to direct your anger towards problems not people; to focus your energies on answers not excuses”. – William Arthur Ward
A bad temper is never something to brag about. Your ability to give dirty insult and physical pain is not an achievement.
Never forget what a person says to you when angry because that is when the truth finally comes out.
“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret”.
“Anger is your biggest enemy, control it”.
“When you cannot control what is happening. Challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what is happening. That’s where the power is”.
Life is so fickle and short. The only person you hurt when you stay angry is you. Forgive everyone including yourself ❤.