Loving yourself is magical. Self-love is a powerful force that will positively affect every single aspect of your life. No more going into your inner-critic; no more listening to that voice telling you that you are not good enough; no more settling for less than you deserve. To fall in love with yourself is the first secret of happiness ~Robert Morley
Self-love comes from a genuine place of love and it is a unique journey for everyone, it’s ok to take your time. Is loving ourselves being able to look in the mirror for once without criticising our own bodies? Is loving ourselves finally feeling content with where you are in life? Is loving ourselves being able to be happy for both yourself and others when we achieve success? Does loving ourselves involve speaking and thinking kindly of ourselves? Does loving ourselves include listening to our needs and putting ourselves first when needed?
I’m going to be honest, I’m still struggling in the process of truly loving myself. There are days where I’m able to genuinely laugh with my friends while there are also days where I can barely muster a smile. Although I do have moments where I have felt genuine, it does not discount the weight I feel on my shoulders once I face my thoughts. I feel especially frustrated about the person that I’ve become on the days I feel consumed by my own darkness. In these moments, I question who I am and the parts of me that I have lost. Have I found a solution for the thoughts and the pit of darkness I find myself in? Not completely. But I am reminding myself that despite the gruelling process, I have the choice to allow something beautiful to grow from it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but I’ll get there one day.
In the meantime, these are some of the ways I’ve been learning how to love myself for who I am as well as being open to change:
•God First: When I feel frustrated, tired of how my life is or where I am in life; I always tell God how I truly feel and he always make things better in my life. Put God First, have faith, work hard, go out and win.
•Use daily affirmation: Let’s start with affirmations. Affirmations are essential self-paid compliments. Others may praise us but to build authentic self-love, we need to learn how to self-praise. Affirmations help us to acknowledge our own gifts without the approval of others and this is the first step to fearless self-love. When I wake up in the morning, I always say these words to myself, “Janet, you’re amazing”, “Janet, you can stand whatever life throws at you”, “Janet, never give up”, “Janet, God loves you”, “Janet, thank you for everything”. You can say affirmations to yourself in the mirror, you can write post-it notes and place them around the house or you can say them to yourself in your mind alone. No matter your method, with time, affirmations will work to enhance your awareness of personal strengths, positive attributes and even help you achieve goals.
•Self-acceptance: Loving yourself unconditionally, even the parts that you don’t particularly like.
•Self-care: Nourishing your body, mind and soul so you can feel who you are.
•Self-compassion and Self-forgiveness: Having compassion for your story or journey and where you are and not being too hard on yourself. Take the pressure off! Take everything in this moment as it should be. The only thing truly within our control is ourselves and our choice. It’s all we have so even when other people hurt us, when our pain is the direct result of someone else’s choices, the choice is still ours whether we let that pain suffocate us or if we let it go. Move on. Forgive.
•Self-trust: Building a strong enough relationship with yourself so that you can distinctly tell if it’s the ego or your soul talking. The ego is comprised of fear-based thoughts, whereas your soul has thoughts that come from the pure loving and positive energy.
•Self-esteem: Having the confidence to show up in life exactly the way you want to experience it.
•Self-empowerment: Empowering yourself to be more, do more and see more, to really live out those dreams. Whatever your heart desires, it’s yours to take. The fact that you have all that is meant for you.
•Self-respect: Respect yourself! Firstly, when you are not respecting yourself, you are likely subconsciously breaking down your self-esteem even more than it already is. It’s hard to be happy when we are not living in integrity with who we truly are.
•Self-pleasure: Have fun! What did you enjoy doing as a kid? What’s that hobby that you keep saying you’ll do but then never do? Make time for them. Do what makes you happy.
•Self-expression: Speak your truth. This is very important in living a life of health, happiness, fulfillment and success. You must speak your truth in order to have all the other areas of your life coincide into one epic amazing life.
•Don’t forget to smile: We now know that humor and laughter are excellent coping skills and steps towards self-love, so how about smiling. Smiling can really improve your mood. Have you ever been around people who are smiling and laughing and found it difficult to not join them? When surrounded by smiles and laughter, many people find themselves adopting the mood and experience happiness themselves. Smiles and laughter are contagious. Seeking fearless self-love should include smiling. Smiling won’t respect all internal conflict but certainly offers an amazing starting point. So, go ahead and smile, even laugh if you like! Bravely wear that smile and see how it improves your day.
6 Truths about you:
•You are enough.
•You are not needy for wanting your needs met.
•Your past mistakes don’t define you.
•You are not a problem to be solved. But a beautiful being to be loved.
•You deserve to be seen, heard and loved and so is your pain.
•You are always whole and complete even when it doesn’t feel like it.
•Be nice to yourself.
•The sad you is worthy of living. The you that doesn’t have it all is worthy of living. The you that is misunderstood is worthy of living. The confused you is worthy of living. All versions of yourself deserves warmth.
•Just because this isn’t the life you want doesn’t mean that it’s all bad. You can still grow from it.
Love yourself first because that’s who you’ll be spending the rest of your life with.
It is important to always be there for yourself. One of the most important relationship you will ever have is the one with yourself. The relationship you have with yourself is what set your standards for how you show up in your friendships, your job, your relationship. It sets the standards for how you show up in life.
My hope for you is that by reading this article you have subconsciously taken a self-assessment to see what areas of self-love you are lacking in your life. Don’t hate yourself; have compassion for your journey and where you are. Give thanks for having the honesty to realize in what areas you need to grow and then work on it.
One day, I hope you will be able to love yourself for who you are and that you are proud of the progress that you have made. That one point in your life when you felt shrouded by the darkness. Guess what? You learned to light your own flame. Who knows, you may become a guiding light for many others going through their own dark tunnels too.
And I’m so proud of you. I’m so so proud of you.
Love and Gratitude,